Hi ,
Our behaviours and goals change over time.
If we're not careful. They conflict with each other.
Here're two examples
Let's start with my 19 year old self.
- I'm a slim 5" 8 boy who's now joined the Uni rowing team but never managed to gain weight.
- I'm now seeing food as a tool to give me energy and refuel me.
- It's also a tool to make me stronger and bigger.
Given I'm also a student, when in restaurants/shops - I'm thinking:
"What's the best amount of calories and macros I can get per pound spent?"
Since this is when I start really learning how to shop, cook and eat for myself - this framework becomes hardwired into my brain.
It's my initial adult relationship with food.
Contrast this with me in 2022 who's:
- Spending much less time training/moving
- Metabolism and muscle growth has slowed
- Less financially concerned about the cost of food
So when I think about food now, I've got mixed messaging going on...
I'm now also thinking:
- But what's the least calorific meal I can eat?
- But what's the best quality meat I can buy?
- But what have I not had for a while?
My initial hardwiring says eat more, my newer software says eat less.
"Ok, so what's the problem here? Don't we all do this?"
Consider that:
Stress is caused by unmade decisions.
Every meal we go and eat requires additional effort/energy as we try to contrast which 'rules' we want to follow today.
Living by default is not understanding how our behaviours interrupt our goals.
No wonder hypnotherapy and counselling so often start with your much younger self.
It's when many of your behaviours and goals were first formed.
To use a different more complex example: Imagine someone says:
"I want to get stronger muscles, I will go to the gym more"
This is the (simple) graph we're expecting.
Equally, we might imagine interactions which go in the opposite direction.
Sadly, things aren't this simple. Behaviours often conflict with each other.
What if the person's gym behaviour is effecting other things?
- Early classes reducing their quantity of sleep
- Worse food choices to meet increased calorie demand
- Less socialising due to gym preference
Since we know that, in a hypothetical world, the above three outcomes provide negative health outcomes, we might be able to plot all this together on an incredibly simplified graph.
In this way, a behaviour might actually go against it's overarching goal.
It's not as simple as this of course.
But one of the most common traits I see is people sacrificing sleep for exercise - leading to increased weight, decreased energy, decreased mood and increased injury...
When we set new behaviours, we need to be really clear what goal we're aiming for.
Especially since new behaviours might become our hardwiring - ie. new habits that we will struggle to break out of.
This message isn't to encourage anyone to stop going to the gym.
Just to make you think.
What behaviours might you have that actually go against the goal you're looking for.
Here's a few ideas:
- Not being vulnerable with friends, thinking they'll like you more if they know you less
- Intermittent fasting the AM to reduce calorie intake, then overindulging in the late PM.
- Drinking huge amounts of only water to 'hydrate'
- Not committing to relationships until you feel 'ready', only to find that it's the relationships that give you the best 'ready-ness'.
- Fearing the sun because of skin damage, and causing more wellbeing damage from lack of Vit D, fresh air and movement.
- Even (this one is more controversial) saying no to all alcohol to improve your mood, but missing out on the social connection/closeness it can provide
Feel free to hit reply if there's any I'm missing that you've seen in your life?
And PS:
The only thing worse than going against your goals is not specifying them at all.
Enjoy your bank holiday.
23 men and I will be away on a retreat.
More to follow.
Cheers.
Live by design, not default.
James - humans BEING
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