Hi ,
This is the email I hoped you'd never need to read.
But if you're here because your teen is really struggling—self-harm, substance use, eating disorder, suicidal thoughts, severe depression, or anxiety—I want you to know:
Finding out is the beginning of help, not the end of hope.
First: Ensure Safety
If immediate danger (active suicidal plan, severe self-harm):
- Call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or 911 (for U.S)
- 999 (for U.K)
- 112 (For Nigeria)
- 767 (For Lagos Nigeria)
- Don't leave them alone
If serious but not immediately life-threatening:
- Schedule professional evaluation within 24-48 hours
- Have the conversation (more below)
The Conversation:
"I've noticed [specific observations]. I'm really concerned. I want to understand what you're experiencing. Can we talk?"
Then:
✓ Listen without judgment
✓ Validate their pain ("That sounds really hard")
✓ Express love ("I'm here for you")
✓ Be direct if needed ("Are you thinking about hurting yourself?")
❌ Don't minimize ("It's not that bad")
❌ Don't catastrophize ("Your life is ruined")
Get Professional Help
This is non-negotiable. Effective communication matters, but it's not therapy.
Resources:
- Therapist (ask pediatrician for referrals, check Psychology Today directory)
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741
- School counselor (supplemental support)
Critical truths:
Asking about suicide doesn't plant the idea—it opens the door for them to share
"Attention-seeking" behavior is a cry for help—still a crisis requiring support
Therapy isn't weakness—it's a tool, like a cast for a broken bone
Your role:
- Stay connected even when they push away
- Attend family therapy if offered
- Be patient with non-linear progress
- Take care of yourself too (you can't pour from an empty cup)
One father discovered his son's addiction. Devastating. But through treatment and family therapy, they addressed underlying issues and rebuilt their relationship.
Two years later: "Our family is healthier now than ever. We're real with each other. I got a second chance I didn't think I'd get."
If your teen is struggling right now:
You're not alone. You're not a bad parent. You're facing something incredibly hard.
Keep showing up. Get professional help. Don't give up.
With proper support, most teens emerge from crises stronger and healthier.
There is hope. Keep going.
Resources:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- 999 (for U.K)
- 112 (For Nigeria)
- 767 (For Lagos Nigeria)
- Crisis Text Line: HOME to 741741
- NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): nami.org
Next week: Navigating technology and connection in the digital age.
To hope and healing,
Latifah Ajetunmobi
P.S. If you're in crisis right now, please reach out to professional help immediately. This email is educational support, not crisis intervention.
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