TL;DR
- Common belief: "Forgive and forget."
- Reality: Remembering a wrongdoing ≠ Not forgiving.
- This misconception affects marriages deeply.
- Our 30-day course debunks this myth and more
- Not taking action is a bad option
- Free sample lesson available via text (click here)
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There's a "truth" regarding forgiveness that everyone knows, and unfortunately, it also keeps spouses from forgiving when they've been wronged.
I put "truth" in quotation marks because what everyone knows couldn't be further from the truth.
Before I tell you what it is, let me set it up for you.
Imagine ...
- I ring your doorbell
- You open the door
- I whack you on the knee with a crowbar just like Nancy Kerrigan was whacked in 1994
- I say, "I'm sorry" and you forgive me
Just because you forgave me, does that mean you're going to forget that I whacked you on the knee?
I doubt it.
And even if you do somehow forget, you're likely to remember and/or be triggered each time you...
- feel a pain in your knee
- retell the story
- go through physical therapy
- walk/limp
- hear the doorbell ring
- answer your door
- see your porch
- receive an email from me
- hear the name Kevin
- see a crowbar, etc.
Does that mean you didn't forgive me because you remember?
Not necessarily.
It just means you remember. Period.
Besides, if I whack you on the knee, you better remember it in case you see me coming your way with a crowbar!
While "forgive and forget" can happen, it's not a guarantee. Moreover, it should NEVER be used as a barometer for forgiveness.
So, let's bring this to your marriage.
Are you reluctant to forgive your mate for ___ because it means you have to forget? Or maybe you haven't forgiven your mate for ___ because you still remember what happened. Or perhaps you're upset because your spouse said you're forgiven, but he/she still talks about the time you did ___.
Understand this: forgive and forget is a myth, especially if you've been wronged repeatedly and/or severely.
The myth of forgive and forget is just one of seven I seek to obliterate in the 30-day Figuring Out Forgiveness course.
The course is "Pay What You Want" so I'm removing budget as a barrier to enrolling. If your marriage is in shambles—or is on its way there—due to unforgiveness, what are you waiting for? Enroll now.
(Note: You can get a free sample lesson sent via text by clicking here.)
The hard truth: Your marriage will not fix itself, and hoping it gets better while continuing to take zero actions is as crazy as hoping your pet or children start cleaning up after themselves (I have both, and know from experience it doesn't happen!).
I encourage you to take action to have a deeper and more fulfilling marriage with the Figuring Out Forgiveness course.
Let's go!
Kevin
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