Assalamu alaikum,
I hope that 2021 has been good to you so far and that all of you receiving this email are in good health. ❤❤❤
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As an online marriage consultant, we see so many confusing attitudes from our clients/members. I'd like to give you a 7 step action plan to make your online search for a spouse more effective, Insha Allah.
1. Ask yourself: Why am I getting married.
This is a good question to ask even if you are meeting the person to make a final decision because it will be a reminder about the real purpose of marriage from an Islamic perspective.
Marriage is part of faith and it is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him.
2. Ask yourself: what am I looking for in a spouse.
Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet said: “Men choose women for four reasons: for their money, for their rank, for their beauty and for their religion, but marry one who is religious and you will succeed” (Bukhari, Muslim). This of course, applies to women as well.
However, religion it seems, is not always foremost in the minds of many people. In fact, it's probably the last factor on too many Muslims' list. Make deen your number one filter to choose a spouse.
3. If you're looking for a spouse lower your gaze.
This may seem like a contradiction, but it's not. Looking for a spouse who has the right qualities and whom you are physically attracted to does not mean throwing out the obligation to lower the gaze for both sexes.
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do” (Quran 24:30).
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms...” (Quran 24:31).
4. Get someone to help
Marriage is not something to throw yourself into all by yourself. Getting the help of someone, especially parents, relatives, an Imam, trustworthy members of the Muslim community and even a marriage consultancy to either look for the right spouse or initiate and participate in a communication process is very important.
Consider using Nikah Bureau's services currently being offered via facebook, whatsapp and our website to seek your ideal spouse.
5. Always ask for references
This is also where your “third party” comes in handy. Not only will they be able to be your reference. They can also check out a prospective mate's references.
A reference can include an Imam who knows the brother who proposed to you, a sister who knows the woman you may want to marry well, a family friend, a boss, a co-worker, and/or business partner.
Nikah Bureau can do reference checks for you in most countries and we also offer ID verification services.
6. When you meet, don't be alone
The Prophet said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi).
He also advised men: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim).
Meeting alone, in the hotel room during a conference for instance, is not permissible. The prospective spouses should not place themselves in a situation where no one else can see or hear them.
Instead, a discreet, chaperoned meeting should be set up. The chaperone, while allowing the two to talk, is in the same room, for example.
Nikah Bureau offers chaperoned chat services which enable people to know each other under the watchful eyes of experienced marriage consultants/counsellors.
7. When you speak, be businesslike and to the point.
The purpose of meeting and talking to each other must also remain within Islamic guidelines. That means no flirtatious speech of a sexual nature on either side.
The topics discussed can include each other's interests, financial situation of the man, who is Islamically responsible for providing for his wife and children, and the two potential spouses' relationship with their parents.
Conversations between potential mates cannot be talking just for the sake of talking. There should be a firm and clear intention of either pursuing engagement and marriage, or, if one of the two or both the man and woman feel they are not compatible, a quick end to the relationship.
Jazak Allahu Khairan...
Shamnas Nasirudeen
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