Thank you for the responses to the last edition of the newsletter.
So many of you shared that the line, “You became an adult. But your body remembers being a child,” stayed with you. And some of you said it lingered for days, even weeks. A few of you told me that a younger part of you felt seen and heard for the first time in a long time.
I’ve been sitting with that too.
I’ve been asking myself: what does it mean to return to that child to the baby, the child version of Alice?
I grew up. I got educated. I accumulated experiences, titles, and accomplishments. And somewhere along the way, that child got quieter. Not because she disappeared, but because she learned how to adapt. How to keep going. How to live in a world that often feels dysregulated and demanding.
In many ways, we’ve all been doing that: adjusting, coping, surviving.
Today, I want to name something that often gets missed next.
You’re not dysregulated.
You’re responding.
When people come into my therapy room, many of them arrive with the same quiet fear: Something must be wrong with me.
They’ve read the books.
They’ve gained insight.
They can explain their patterns with remarkable clarity.
And yet, their bodies still feel tense, tired, guarded, or shut down.
This is usually where I pause them.
Because what looks like “dysregulation” is often a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do in environments that required vigilance, endurance, or self-silencing. Survival responses are not flaws. They are adaptations.
The nervous system isn’t designed to update itself just because circumstances change. It updates through felt safety, repetition, and lived experience, not through insight alone. That’s why understanding yourself doesn’t always bring relief. That’s why success doesn’t automatically bring ease. That’s why people can leave unsafe environments and still feel on edge in their bodies.
Your body is not behind.
It is doing its job.
The challenge is that what once protected you can eventually begin to narrow your life. Survival mode prioritizes predictability over possibility. Protection over presence. Getting through the day over imagining what else might be available.
This doesn’t mean you’ve failed at healing.
It means your system may need a different kind of support.
For some people, gentle daily practice, such as slowing down, grounding, journaling, and tending to the body, is enough to begin restoring a sense of safety. For others, especially when survival has been long-term or layered, the nervous system benefits from more structured, body-based support.
This is often where approaches that work with the nervous system, not just the mind, can be helpful. Modalities like EMDR are designed to support the body in processing and releasing patterns that no longer need to stay on high alert, without requiring you to relive everything in detail or “figure it out” cognitively.
Not because you’re broken.
But because your body deserves support in learning that the present moment is different from the past.
There’s no hierarchy here. No gold star for doing it alone. Just different levels of care for different seasons of life.
What matters most is this: you get to choose support that meets you where you are—without force, urgency, or shame.
A Gentle Grounding Practice (2 minutes)
If it feels okay, pause here for a moment.
Let your feet rest on the floor, or allow your body to settle into whatever is supporting you.
Take one slow breath in.
Exhale gently, letting your shoulders drop even a fraction.
Now, without trying to answer or fix anything, simply notice: What does my body need a little more of today?
You don’t have to do anything with what comes up.
Awareness is enough.
Ways to Work With Me
- I currently offer EMDR and body-based therapy for adults in Ohio and New York. This work can be especially supportive for people who feel “stuck” despite insight, or who sense that their body is still carrying old survival responses. You’re welcome to schedule a complimentary 15-minute discovery call to explore whether it’s a good fit. https://tidycal.com/alicemillsmai/15-minute-meeting
- If you’re in a season of gentle self-connection, the Coming Home to Yourself 30-Day Digital Journal offers a slower, self-paced way to reconnect with your body and inner world. https://cominghometoyourself.mykajabi.com/coming-home-to-yourself-journal
Wherever you are in this process, I hope you hear this clearly:
you are not failing at regulation.
your nervous system has been protecting you.
and you don’t have to do this alone.
With care,
Dr. Alice
0 comments